There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
