There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
