The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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