Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
