Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
