When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
