Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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