So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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