I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
