from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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