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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I cut my penus on the lid.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
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