I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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