My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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