Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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