Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
