if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
