Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
