Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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