so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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