I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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