He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Can I color on your dick again?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize