Pregnant stripper...not hot.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
