My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
