my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
