.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
