I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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