Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
