Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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