I hate your face
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
