Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
