Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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