**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
