I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
