AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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