He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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