Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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