I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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