Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
