I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
