Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
