I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
