after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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