yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
