Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
