So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
