I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
