Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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