For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
why is half of my head shaved?
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