I wish life had little blips of pornography
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
