come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
