im about as happy as oj after his trial
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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