from now on my penis is your penis
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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