Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
