In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
