you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
