Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
