I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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