They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
