Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
