this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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