I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
How naked do you want me to be?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
