brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
me + whiskey = a bad person
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Randomize
