Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
