Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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