Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize