Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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